Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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