I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
