i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
