then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i out mim tonsoeep
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