Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need a burrito and a hug.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
