If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
