im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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