she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
