I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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