His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
