how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
