Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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