I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
