"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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