whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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