last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There are leaves in my underwear?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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