Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
