when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize