If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize