i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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