you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
