even my farts smell like vagina
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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