Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You can't just leave with hair like that
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
