no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
