Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
