So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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