Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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