honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
