I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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