did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize