Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
