Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Screwed.edu
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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