I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I look better un-naked...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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