if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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