i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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