what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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