after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
