Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
