I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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