I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
