I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
