we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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