I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
