So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize