I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
