The maid of honor just puked.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
