I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
