i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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