we're blogging at a bar
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
