Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
