I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
