I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I deserve this hangover.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize