I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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