sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I need to stop coming to work sober
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
