he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
