I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Randomize