playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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