But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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