And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
