i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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