Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
