Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
