Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
